Why?
by danrdarrenc
Summary: Blaine returns to Lima for Kurt's funeral. "God only knows what went wrong and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song." One-shot, song fic based on the Rascal Flatts song "Why?"


Blaine Anderson was sitting in his car, which was parked outside the church in Lima, Ohio. It had been five years since he had been back in the small town, not since he had graduated from NYU and told his parents he was staying in New York. He'd never really expected to be back so soon, especially for something like this. Suddenly, an old song popped into his head, a beautifully sad one he had first heard when he started at Dalton. In his attempt to stall for time, Blaine quietly sang to himself the beginning of the song:

**It must a been a place so dark, couldn'****t feel the light**

**Reachin'**** for you through that stormy cloud**

**Now here we are gathered in our little home town**

**This can'****t be the way you meant to draw a crowd**

**Oh why that's what I keep askin'**

**Was there anything I could have said or done?**

**Oh I had no clue you were masking the troubled soul, God only knows**

**What went wrong and why you'****d leave the stage in the middle of a song**

Taking a deep breath and gritting his teeth, Blaine got out of his car and slowly walked up to the church doors. On the top step, he saw Burt Hummel and Carole Hudson-Hummel standing together, both in black, both trying their best not to cry as they greeted mourners giving their condolences. Steeling himself, Blaine ascended the steps and stopped in front of Burt and Carole.

"Hello, Mr. Hummel, Mrs. Hummel," Blaine said.

"Thank you for coming, Blaine," Burt said.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," Blaine said seriously. "I'm really sorry. I wish I could have done something."

"You couldn't have done anything. He didn't want anyone to know," Burt said, his voice cracking slightly.

Blaine frowned and walked into the church. Inside, he saw Finn Hudson and his fiancée Rachel Berry standing near the closed casket, talking quietly. Looking around, he saw other members of Kurt's old glee club, New Directions, huddled in groups of twos and threes, all dressed in black, all looking extremely somber, some of the girls already crying. In one corner, Mr. Schuester and his wife Emma Pillsbury were standing together, presiding over the now-grown kids they once used to mentor. In another of the corners, Blaine recognized some of the Warblers and immediately made his way over to them.

"Thad! Jeff! Nick!" Blaine said quietly, stopping in front of his high school friends.

"Warbler Blaine!" Thad said, opening his arms wide in a grand gesture, trying to lighten the mood and not let on how upset he was.

"This is terrible," Jeff said. "Did you have any idea things were this bad?"

Blaine shook his head. "Kurt and I broke up three years ago. We still talked occasionally, but he would certainly never tell me he was hurting himself. I wish he had. Maybe I could have helped him…" Blaine faltered.

"No one could have known. It's not your fault," Nick said reassuringly, patting Blaine's arm.

Blaine nodded imperceptibly and walked away over to Finn and Rachel.

"Hi," Blaine said quietly, his hand brushing against Rachel's back.

"Blaine!" Rachel cried, hugging him tightly around the waist.

Blaine returned her embrace and then shook Finn's hand.

"Thank you for coming," Finn said.

"Of course," Blaine responded automatically.

"I can't believe this," Rachel said, tears sliding down her face. Finn wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "He was so close to scoring a lead role. The cast list is being posted next week."

Blaine clenched his teeth and willed himself not to cry. Clearing his throat and blinking rapidly, Blaine briefly rubbed Rachel's arm and walked away into a back room, seeking peace and solitude. Once again remembering the song he had thought of in his car, Blaine quietly continued singing, the old, familiar action giving him at least a slight sense of comfort:

**Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old**

**R****ounding third to score the winning run**

**You always played with passion no matter what the game**

**When you took the stage you shined just like the sun**

**Oh why that's what I keep askin'**

**Was there anything I could have said or done**

**Oh I had no clue you were masking the troubled soul, God only knows**

**What went wrong and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song**

As he paused for breath, Blaine heard commotion outside the room and realized that the funeral was starting. Shaking slightly, he made his way into the nave of the church and sat down in the pew that was occupied by his old group of Warblers. When he sat down, Thad patted him lightly on the leg.

A second later the priest began to make his traditional funeral speech, talking about how wonderful and lovely a person Kurt was, how terrible it was that this had happened, that he was too young to be gone from this world, but that he was in a better place now.

Making a mental note that atheist-Kurt would hate what was being said over his dead body, Blaine felts tears fall thick and fast down his face. Through the mist and glaze of his watering eyes, Blaine saw Burt ascend onto the altar and make a speech, his voice breaking at the end; next, Finn and Rachel made a combined speech, followed by a short speech by Mercedes. When she had finished, the congregation of mourners stood up and watched sadly, as the pall bearers carried Kurt's casket out of the church and into the hearse that would take it and the Hummel-Hudson clan to the cemetery.

Wiping his face with his sleeve, Blaine silently walked away from the Warblers and New Directions and over to his car. Once inside, he sobbed unreservedly for his first love. After five minutes, Blaine's tears subsided and he was able to get control of his breathing. Taking a deep breath, Blaine started his car and followed the procession of cars to the cemetery a couple blocks away.

When he had parked on the road that winded its way through the graveyard, Blaine slowly walked toward the group where Kurt's body was being laid to rest. As he walked, Blaine recognized for the first time, how beautiful of a September day it was. The sun was shining brightly and the trees swayed slightly in a light fall breeze; it seemed to Blaine as if the weather was mocking him.

Knowing he would not be able to face the cold, hard grave of the boy he had loved for so long, Blaine turned around and walked back to his car, finishing the song he had begun hours ago:

**Now the oak trees are swayin'**** in the early autumn breeze**

**The golden sun is shining on my face**

**The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing**

**This old world really ain'****t that bad a place**

**Oh why there'****s no comprehending**

**And who am I to try to judge or explain**

**Oh but I do have one burning question**

**Who told you life wasn't worth the fight?**

**They were wrong**

**They lied**

**And now you're gone**

**And we cried**

**Cause it'****s not like you to walk away in the middle of a song**

**Your beautiful song**

**Your absolutely beautiful song**


End file.
